First, if, as you said, you were the only one who was struggling, you could validly say God seems to hate you in particular, but that’s not true. Everyone has their struggles, everyone has their problems. Some people have better lives than you do. Some have worse. You’re not alone in your struggles, doubts, and fears. Coming to the matter of God making a mistake with you, James 1:13 says "Let no man say when he is tempted, 'I am tempted of (by) God:' For God cannot be tempted with any evil, neither tempteth he any man." God cannot do evil, and he cannot try to get you to do evil either. So how do all these things go wrong? Look to the book of Job. Job is absolutely fascinating because it gives you a glimpse into what goes on in heaven. God allowed Satan to do different things to Job, as a test of his faith. And frankly, if anyone had a right to think God hated them, it was Job. In one day, he lost all his livestock, his vast wealth, and even his children. On top of that, he got a torturous disease. It was so bad that even his wife basically said "curse God and commit suicide because your life isn't worth living anymore." And finally, his friends came by and basically said "wow Job, you must have done some terrible sin to deserve all of this." Job had been steadfast in his faith up to this point, but he finally breaks, and cries out, demanding that God tell him why all this had happened to him, a righteous man. God's response was a lesson on humility. He reminds Job who He is, God is the One who created the earth! The oceans, with their mountainous waves, the stars, with their vast glory, the storms, with their power, and he asks him, "can you instruct the One who created all this? Let him who has the authority to reprove Me do so." The point is very clear. We humans have no right to question the actions of God. So what? Does God allow horrible things just for the fun of it, knowing we can't stop him?